Script
Initial Script-
Mom- Bob, it's getting late. Where are you. I'm worried, sick, are you okay?
Bob- Sorry mom, yes, I was just grabbing a few things at the store. I'm a few blocks away
Mom- Ok come straight home and be safe in those streets
Bob- I will. I promise. I gotta go, I have to pay attention to the street
Bob- (screams) Hello. Anyone leave a phone???
He then opens it and presses play
Victim- please let me go, I don't have it!
Killer- I'll ask again, where is the key?
Victim- I don't know what you are even talking about
Killer- Let's not waste time here. Don't lie to me
Victim- I swear I don't know what you want with this key, but I didn’t take it
Killer- Someone has it. And someone is going to have a bad night tonight because of it
Victim- (crying) Please have a family. Just let me go
Killer- aww that's too bad. When I don’t get what I want I get mad. You don't want to see me mad
Killer- I am going to give you one more chance, shall I count to three?
Victim- wait please! Please don't
Cut to Bobs Shocked face as black screen fades in
Evaluation-
My initial script provides a good framework of the general idea of what the film will include. It can serve as a blueprint to build from to perfect the story. I used a lot of dialogue to create the tension. The initial phone call from his mom is where she expresses her worries about him being out late at night. This subverts expectations because it makes the audience believe he is in danger when it will actually be her. The mom expressing worry early on plants a seed of foreshadowing that something bad will happen. I think this conversation is well but almost goes by too quickly and could be extended out. I think Bob responding to his mother without the audience being aware of what she is saying is best because the one sided conversation makes Bob feel even more isolated as there would be long pauses between sentences he speaks. I want the focus of the audience to be fully on Bobs expressions as he is responding to her. I plan on making him much more expressive with his lines either being annoyed or mad. A strength of this script is the narrative structure. It starts out with a call from his mom and ends with her death. It is devastating but allows for the audience to be intrigued. The next section of Bob finding the phone could also be extended further. I want to show the extended time that passes as he leaves the store and when he finds the phone. He just finds it and opens it but I can make him seem more worried and curious rather than yelling about it. The main scene of the interrogation sets the tone for the rest of the film. I think the back and forth aspect is well written because each person starts expressing more and more emotion. The killer becomes more mad as she denies any knowledge of the key and the mom gets more anxious and outspoken to try and save her life. The missing key dialogue is an added mystery element that adds to the plot. I could create more of a bridge between Bob's world and the video by possibly have him touch the keys in is pocket during the video. I also want to include dialogue of his reaction to his mom being tied up as the initial plan has him more in shock than worried. I like the dialogue between the mom and killer because I think the question and answer format is well executed to create a compelling dialogue. I could improve on show don't tell because I want the audience to put the pieces together in their heads and experience the dread with him.
Final Script-
Film Opens with a shot of the store
Bob grabs a few items and leaves the store
Credits role on screen as Bob shops
He walks home on a street with the bag in his hand
He feels a vibration in his pocket
He opens his phone and sees the picture of his mom calling
Bob- Hello Mom
(pause for mother)
Bob- Yes I know I'm late
(pause for mother)
Bob- I just went to the store across town after school I needed to grab a few things
(pause for mother)
Bob- I literally just left so it might be a little bit but I'm on my way. You don't have to worry so much I'm almost an adult
(pause for mother)
Bob- I will, I will. I'm paying attention to the road. I'll see you when I get home save me some dinner. Love you too bye
He hangs up and puts his phone in his pocket
(Time passes)
Bob continues to walk home and suddenly stops
A phone is ringing on the side of the street
He see's the phone and walks up to it
Bob- huh what is that?
He cautiously picks it up
He looks around
Bob- Anybody? No?
He opens it up and presses play
Victim- please let me go, I don't have it!
Killer- I'll ask again, where is the key?
Bob feels the keys in his pocket
Victim- I don't know what you are even talking about
Bob- Mom?
Killer- Let's not waste time here. Don't lie to me
Victim- I swear I don't know what you want with this key, but I didn’t take it
A loud noise interrupts the video
Bob almost drops the phone
Bob- What was that?
He scans the area
A trash can is seen tipped over
Bob- Oh its just a trash can
He plays the video again
Killer- Someone has it. And someone is going to have a bad night tonight because of it
Victim- (crying) Please have a family. Just let me go
Bob- Mom run runnnnn
Killer- aww that's too bad. When I don’t get what I want I get mad. You don't want to see me mad
Killer- I am going to give you one more chance, shall I count to three?
Victim- wait please! Please don't
Killer- times up
The killer slashes the mom with an axe off screen
Bob is in shock watching as the screen cuts black
Opening Title plays
Evaluation- My final script shows a leap forward in storytelling by mainly focusing on the show don't tell method. These techniques are used to foreshadow and build psychological dread. The convenience store scene establishes a baseline for the normal life of Bob. I added opening credits that will pop up while Bob is going through the store to introduce the company and producer. In the beginning of the film I want to establish normalcy and create Bob to be a relatable teenage character. This carries over to his conversation with his mom as he is annoyed at her for calling. He knows what she is going to say and just wants to hang up the phone. The one sided conversation isolates Bob and forces the audience to focus solely on him. At the time of the phone call his mom wasn't trapped yet so I had to make it clear that Bob was totally far away from home so it gives time for her to be captured and recorded. I improved the visual of the missing key. The mystery is the key and Bob has no relation to it but I added him physically feeling his own key to create a bridge between his reality and the video. I made Bob more hesitant and curious rather than yelling to show how a person might actually react if this happened to them. The interrogation dialogue remained very similar because I think the conversation was effective in expressing both peoples emotions. I added in even more lines of Bob reacting to it in-between. I kept the violence off screen to let Bob's horrified expression lead to the shock the audience will feel as they begin the movie.
Comments
Post a Comment